Light at the End of the Tunnel

Hi friends!

I feel like I need to do a quick recap of the last six months. So, here goes….

The holidays were strange, 2020 was hard, and there’s gotta be some inspirational quote or lesson to take into 2021 but if I’m being honest, I haven’t had the energy to find it. 

I think that sums it up nicely. 

My emotional support when I need it. Unlimited cuddles. Sweet Caroline.

Before I go on, I want to say I know that everyone has suffered losses this past year and recently. Some losses are loved ones, businesses, dreams, relationships, or just basic human interaction. I want to share a little bit of what I’ve been going through with you guys, but just know my heart has been going out to everyone who’s been fighting their own unique battles. 

I’ve fielded a lot of questions from people online, friends, and even coworkers who want to know why I haven’t been posting more often if I’m still pursing music. It seems like everyone in music (and on my newsfeed) has been on Facebook Live playing concerts for tips, trying to keep up their “fake it till you make it” façades, sharing actual progress and success announcements, releasing single after single of new music, or downloading TikTok to make tons of videos hoping they can go viral. 

Then there’s me. I can honestly say I don’t know what I’m doing anymore. Sometimes that’s fun and sometimes I don’t want to get out of bed and face the day. So, when I get the dreaded question, “Why aren’t you posting more if you’re still pursuing music?” I answer honestly - I’ve dealt with some depression this past year and I really didn’t see the point of adding to the noise online. In fact, that’s exactly what I told a coworker who asked me that recently. He was surprised to find that out. 

Any blog post I went to write sounded depressing. I didn’t want to come across as complaining or just being a big ole rain cloud. I like to try to be positive! Everyone who knows me knows that I love to encourage people. I love to share the real stuff too but this felt like too much. Then there's the fear that no one would believe it because for a few months I tried to power through with positive posts and projects. So, over the last six to eight months I had a voice in my head saying “What’s the point?” I still managed to write a few songs but not nearly as many as I had hoped. I had friends posting about how much songwriting they’ve been doing, how their song went viral on TikTok, how they signed a management deal, how they received a big opportunity, or they released new music… and it just left me feeling like I’m failing. I don’t say that for sympathy or attention but just to be honest. I’ve definitely learned comparison is the thief of joy.

I think a lot of those feelings had been snowballing for a while, even before all the craze in 2020. It had gotten to the point that I didn’t really want to think about anything. I didn’t have motivation to do something as simple as go for a walk. I woke up in the morning dreading the day ahead and wanting to go back to bed. I got a new job, which was wonderful and I was so grateful, but for the first few months I worked then went home and missed my family so much I could cry. I gained some weight and that only added to the feeling of failing. 

So, why am I sharing all of this? Because I’m finally coming out on the other side and I wanted my people who have supported me all these years to know what’s been up with me…. and why you haven’t received a monthly newsletter since October.  I also wanted anyone who fell into a depression this past year to know that it’s okay. It’s okay to be overwhelmed by life and feel stuck, just don’t let yourself stay stuck. Talk to someone or start trying to make small changes. Even if it’s something as small as making your bed every day, I promise you will feel better.

That new job I mentioned? It’s at a CrossFit gym. My first step to feeling better was getting up and moving. I went to a CrossFit class… then another one… then another one. I got back in the swing of working out and eating healthy, not emotionally. The weather started looking beautiful outside and I started going for walks around my neighborhood. I started a 30 days of yoga challenge on YouTube. I focused on one area at a time that I wanted to see some changes. I started prioritizing being social after a year of being told to stay home. I joined a lunch group at church that goes out to eat every Sunday. Weekends were always the worst because those were the days I spent with family when I lived at home in NC. Sunday lunch was always at my grandma’s house. My lunch group friends were the perfect fit to the hole I’d feel every weekend now that I live in TN alone.  

My yoga buddy. Sweet Caroline.

After a month of prioritizing health and community, I’m ready to get back to making videos, writing more, and soon I’ll be headed back into the studio to work on some new music! 

I still don’t know the answer to the whole “what’s the point?” question. I still struggle with it. At the end of the day, I love music but I’ve also sacrificed a lot to pursue it. I’m hoping the things I love about it will start outweighing the discouraging things I’ve faced lately.

Funny enough, the week we got snowed in here in Nashville I said a little prayer asking God for some encouragement with my music and later that day I got an email from John Carter at WBTV back home in Charlotte. He wanted to do an interview for Carolina Camera about where I’m at now with my music and my life living in Nashville. It was just the pick me up I needed. (Side note: If you’d like to watch the interview check it out HERE!)

My zoom interview with John Carter.

Caroline enjoyed our snow week. This photo was taken at the beginning of the week. We eventually got so much snow that it went up to her belly.

Learning to surrender is something I’m in pursuit of this year. God has a plan. A beautiful, divine, and messy in all the right ways plan. I’m choosing to trust. 

Thanks for making it this far on my blog post! More will be coming soon now that I’m out living life again. If any of this resonates with you or if you need someone to talk to about your own struggles feel free to reach out. 

Ending on a bright note, I have shows in March that I am SO excited for! Mark your calendar so you won’t miss it!

GPAC Livestream Concert with my band - March 18th (For More Info Click Here!)

Vintage Market Days of Asheville, NC - March 19th-21st (Buy Tickets Here!)

I love you!

xx Carson