Bet On Myself Summer

Hi everyone!

“She’s aliveeeeee!”

Yes, I am indeed alive and well. I feel like I’m waking up from a very, very long nap. I dare say the last 10 months of my life has been a true whirlwind. I left a part time job that I’d been at for the last five years, released a song, I started a full time job, my dad had a heart attack (so so so grateful he’s okay now!), filmed a music video, released the music video, worked 40 hour weeks at aforementioned full time job (sometimes going over 40 hours), paid off my car in under a year (praise Jesus!), kept up with my weekly singing/vlog videos on my channel, and recently left the full time job.

Needless to say, life has been a lot of things lately.

You’re probably wondering, “Carson, why did you leave the new job only 6-7ish months in?”

The cliff notes version is as much as I enjoyed the work I was doing and the added income, I felt really hollow this winter. Zero passion. No motivation. Writers block slowly killing me. I would wake up and hop on for work at 7am at home then go into the clinic and sometimes be there until 6pm.

Wake up, eat, work, sleep, repeat.

I know, I know — that is the typical routine of life for most people. I’m not afraid of hard work and I’ve always been the type of person that when I decide to do something I go all in 100%, but the last two months everyone closest to me kept noticing how truly miserable I’ve been.

While I was working my full time job, I was trying to film videos on the weekends for my YouTube Channel. (Side Note: If you’d like to subscribe you can do that HERE ) Trying to keep up with the whole reason I moved to Nashville was quickly becoming an issue. Obviously, there’s a lot more details that went into the decision to leave the job that I don’t really want to share. My role was definitely more sales oriented than I was expecting and as a high achiever/perfectionist it became really unhealthy really fast.

During a teary phone call with my mom she said, “Carson, if you’re going to work this hard at something then why don’t you do it for yourself? If you’re going to give something everything you have to the point of tears - do it for your music. You’ve always had a job tying you down since you moved to Nashville. You’ve always juggled trying to do it all with someone else’s timeline anchoring and restricting you. Maybe it’s time you bet on yourself.”

That stopped the tears instantly. My mom was right. Since I was 18 years old and moved to Nashville I always had a job. In fact I had many jobs of all different varieties. I would use “time off” for traveling to gigs or days in the studio. If I went home for a show in the summer there was always a deadline I needed to be back at my job. It made booking shows impossible and I put a lot of miles on my car going back and forth trying to make the little time I had work. It was hard and stressful — and that was just the part time job situation with music making up half of the income. The full-time job left time for nothing. Nothing.

In my adult life I have never had the freedom to truly give music a fair shake and see if I could make a living doing it full time. It was time to actually bet on myself for a change.

God knows exactly what you need before you do. He aligned everything to work out perfectly.

I made the decision to leave the job. I started working on booking summer shows and budgeting how much money I would need to match what I was making at the job I left. I’m currently packing my things to be in NC for a majority of the summer. Finally, I’m ready to see what I can accomplish with music being my sole focus. I’m calling this my —

“Bet On Myself Summer”

My family has followed Molly Grantham for a very long time and she uses the phrase “bet on yourself” in a lot of her motivational speaking. This is my main inspiration for the summer.

Basically, I have the goal of growing my Youtube Channel so I can monetize it. I currently need 4,000 watch hours to do so and I’m already halfway to that goal. While I’m home this summer, I’ll be booking gigs as a main source of income, but I also wanted to share this journey of truly betting on myself; of going all in on my dream and no one else’s. I want to document the highs and lows in vlogs and share bits of the journey on my socials - YouTube, Instagram, Tiktok, and Facebook.

The goal is this - I’m going to see what life looks like when I believe in my dream and talents then actually put my money where my mouth is.

My hope is that in doing so, I’ll inspire others who are currently in the place I've been in for the last 5 years. Maybe you’re in a job that is just fine, but not fulfilling. Maybe you have something you’ve been wanting to try, but you’re worried about what other people think. I hope that my “Bet On Myself Summer” gives you the courage to do the same - whatever that looks like for you.

Do I feel like a bit of a failure currently? I won’t lie - YES! But in the wise words of Miss Taylor Swift,

“Failure brings you freedom.” - Opalite

For the first time in a really long time I feel so unexplainably excited and relieved. I can’t wait to see what the future holds.

“What will people think?”

That thought has made me too afraid to move forward so many times in my life. Fear of upsetting people or worse… disappointing them.

I’m such a loyal person and a lot of times it’s one of my greatest strengths, but recently I realized that a lot of that loyalty turns into people pleasing. Going along with what other people want from me to keep everyone else happy at the expense of my own happiness. The problem with that fear is it kept me stuck. I didn’t want to make decisions that were ultimately best for me because I didn’t want to upset others.

Here’s the thing - no one else is going to know exactly how you feel or what you experience. They might think they know you or what you’re going through, but most people only see surface level. It’s taken a really long time for me to be okay with losing friends and choosing myself. It feels selfish and hard to put my needs over other people’s wants, but my fear over missing out on truly living a good life will always be greater than the fear of what other people think of me.

‍ ‍ Bet On Myself Summer is going to be a challenge to continually fight the fear, but I’m so excited to see the growth it brings.

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Anyways…. Good chat! I’ll talk to you guys very soon!

I’m posting my upcoming summer shows below with more to ~hopefully~ be added soon!

xx Carson

P.S. Shout out to Molly Grantham for being so inspiring! Her story has stuck with me and genuinely encouraged me to take this step! Make sure you go follow her if you’re looking for some motivation to “Bet On Yourself”